Stay a little longer

For some time now, our baby girl prefers to sleep on our bed instead of hers. The reasons are both because we have a comfortable bed and she likes being with mommy and daddy.

She’ll occupy most of the space available on our Queen sized bed and the wife and I stay on the brink of falling off to our doom.

Yesterday my wife told me she hasn’t had a good nights sleep in a while and it might be because baby girl keeps kicking or pushing her. So I said I’ll sleep in baby girl’s room, which my daughter loves. I’ll sleep on the floor next to her bed and 95% of the time, she’ll sleep next to me on the floor.

When I woke up at 5:15am this morning to leave for work, baby girl lifts her head up and asks “where are you going, daddy?” I told her I was leaving for work and as soon as I finished that sentence, she started crying. She kept saying “Please stay a little longer. Please stay home today!” She kept repeating it over and over again and nothing I said was good enough for her. So I carried her to our room and set her on our bed next to my wife and assured her that mommy was gonna keep her company and I’ll pick her up from daycare right after work. But she still kept saying “please stay a little longer with me!” Every time she said that, it hit me right in the feels so I stayed a little longer, lay beside her a little longer, and ran my fingers through her hair until she calmed down. I explained why daddy had to go to work; that I was doing it for her and I promised to go straight to her as soon as I was done.

Stay a little longer with your loved ones. Especially when they wholeheartedly just want your company. Spend time with the ones who pay attention to you when you’re in front of them instead of those who are constantly on their phones when you’re directly in front of them. Time is precious, but what’s more precious is who you spend it with.

“time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” Theophrastus

Zoom zoom

At the cottage today, I approached my wife and told her we needed to talk. I started by saying, “I think I’m depressed…”.

I began the conversation by talking about how much I feel I’m missing out on many adventures, especially running ones and how I missed running almost everyday up until last year.

She said she understood especially with how quickly everything happened for us. In case you don’t know we’ve been together for almost 3 years. 4 months into the relationship, we found out she was pregnant and we decided to roll with it and we turned out having the most beautiful daughter ever.

We had to grow up real quick and made sure we were responsible in planning ahead for our family. So needless to say, we bypassed the “honeymoon phase” and fast-forwarded to the family planning phase, but everything was still great in between.

Even through the pregnancy,I was able to run almost everyday and still have fun. But fast forward to three years later and I run 2 days a week if I’m lucky. Running before work would be difficult because that would mean I would have to run at 2:30am since I wake up at 4:30am for work. Running after work is almost non-existent because I go straight to side-jobs.

All this has gotten me burned out and is really taking its toll on me.

After the talk with my wife, I got a little clarity and made a little more sense of things and what I need to start doing and focus on so I don’t get this feeling again.

Instead of looking at what I’m missing out on, I will look at what I do have. It will be difficult at times and sometimes it still feels hard adjusting to being a family man…and that’s real talk

Steak Panini

Yesterday we were sent home from work early due to a bomb threat at work. I work in construction and all the trades were sent home until the threat was neutralized.

Being around lunch time and after we were able to exit the underground parking, I called my fiancee and told her I was able to get out of the building safely and nothing bad happened. She then asked me if I wanted to pick her up from work and get lunch together. I excitingly said yes and told her I was going to call her when I was outside of her workplace.

When I picked her up we went to a place called Vincentina Fine Foods in Woodbridge to have a delicious steak panini. The drive there was nice. We talked about our day as we were holding hands and just joking around. We had to park further away because the place was busy and parking was scarce, but we both don’t mind walking far. I had my arm around her walking from the truck to the store and it was just a nice feeling to be with her; to be in the moment.

Even though we’ve pretty much lived together since we started dating, have a daughter, and deal with different obstacles “married” life brings, we still enjoy each other’s company. We still love “dating” each other. I for one love our dates. Every time we have a date coming up I tell her one of the things I look forward to is just putting my arms around her and just being together.

Many people will say that when you’re with somebody for a long period of time you just get “comfortable” around each other and the spark is gone. I think that’s false. I think people confuse being comfortable with being complacent in a relationship. Many people get complacent in the relationship thinking they don’t have to try anymore. They don’t think it’s important to proactively do the same things they did for each other when they began dating.

Being complacent makes you takes things for granted. Be comfortable with each other, but don’t be complacent towards each other

Happy good wife. Happy Great Life

This past weekend, my fiancee and I got into an argument on our way to our wedding ring workshop (which will be blogged about in a later post).

As mentioned in my first blog, I’ll admit when I’m wrong and I will apologize and make amends when I’m at fault. This past weekend was no exception. The argument was again because of some bottled up feelings I’ve been having; some more frustrations about “time”.

My asshole self thought I wasn’t getting enough time to do everything what I wanted. My asshole self wanted more. So I exploded during this argument in a way I’m embarrassed to even think about it.

So the day went on after our fight and we both made our wedding rings, picked up our daughter, went home, and proceeded getting things ready for first work day of the week.

At work on Monday, my partner says to me I look depressed and I told him my fiancee and I got into a fight and the reason I was sad at work was because I made my fiancee sad by hurting her feelings. I was sad because I made a good woman cry. I told my co-worker “I’m a fucking asshole. The reason we fought was because I am selfish. She gives me more than enough time to do everything I want and she gives me a happy life, yet I still wanted more.”

I realized the reason why I felt like I didn’t have enough time was not because I didn’t have time, but because I wanted to fill my plate with more things than I should’ve. I wanted to do EVERYTHING. I wanted to do this, do that, do more of this and so on and so forth. I didn’t prioritize and I wanted to accomplish many things. I frustrated myself. I made myself go past my own tipping point.

Needless to say I called my fiancee after work and I apologized and I admitted how much of a selfish asshole I was. I thanked her for giving me more than enough time to do the things I want to do. For giving me room to grow as a person.

There’s the saying “Happy wife. Happy life.” But I think it should be “Happy good wife. Happy great life.” When a good wife is sad, you, the husband will be sad. Not because your wife will make your life a living hell, but because deep down you’ll feel what you did was wrong and it’ll eat you up inside. It’ll weigh down on your conscience and that’s what will make you sad. It’ll make you hurt more than physical pain because the hurt you feel deep down inside is that guilt you have from hurting a good wife.

So fellas, if you have a good wife who treats you well and always looks out for your well being, don’t make them sad. Don’t be a selfish asshole. You both have needs and wants and there’s a pretty good chance she does more than enough to accommodate yours. Be appreciative. Be thankful for what you have instead of what you don’t have. Dwelling on what you don’t have will just make you greedy, selfish, and mostly, a huge asshole to your wife.

Spit and Swallow :)

Almost a month ago I went through one of my grumpy phases for about a week. My asshole self would be rude and agitated every time my fiancee would ask me something or even just try to talk to me about something.

This went on for a few days until eventually she had enough and said “What’s your problem?! Just SPIT out what’s on your mind!”. As soon as she said that, I quickly realized she was right and I was being my old Mr. Flanders self holding things in and eventually blowing up like in that episode where he just one day snaps at everyone. I thought to myself, “I shouldn’t be treating my future wife like this!”. She was right. If I have something bothering me, I should just be able to SPIT it out and we should be able to talk things out. The thing that was bothering me was something as simple as our time management when it came to divvying up who gets to train, workout, get some ‘me’ time, and just unwind. Something so simple, if bottled up can lead to a blowout. An unnecessary Mr. Flanders type of blowout.

So after realizing how much of an ass-hat I was. I had to SWALLOW my pride and apologize. When it comes to my fiancee and future wife, I can SWALLOW my pride as soon as I realize I am wrong and apologize. The old me wouldn’t and would keep fighting and not give a shit about her feelings. But no other woman completes and complements my life like her and since I know what I have, I know what to do to keep her. When you know how good you have it, you’ll work at it and change for the better.

If you’re with a person who you think is going to talk with you about what’s bothering you and help you find a solution to that problem, you should be able to just SPIT out what’s on your mind and if they’re as good as you think they are, then they’ll be understanding enough to find ways to make things work for both of you. And when you’re being an ass-hat for being snappy and rude SWALLOW your pride, apologize for being wrong, and work together to find a solution.

SPIT out what’s on your mind.

SWALLOW your pride and apologize .

I blog?

So, I’ve decided to “blog”. I honestly don’t know where to start, but to first explain why I’m blogging.

I’ve been told a few times that I’ve got this whole “being a daddy” thing pretty good, that I’ve seamlessly transitioned from a single man to being in a relationship, being a dad within a few months, and then being a fiance to a great woman I’m blessed enough to be with.

Although I did adapt to the new lifestyle, it definitely isn’t always easy and this blog is simply a further look into what goes on behind the happy instagram pictures, behind the smiles and what it takes to make those smiles. Perhaps me blogging about it will give others hope that everything and anything can be achieved as a family unit and importantly as a couple.

callousedrunner